So this is my new blog and wow, have I come a long way.
At the age of nineteen, not a month ago, I had my first miscarriage. Luckily I am now in a non verbal abusive relationship with a loving, caring man whom I'll call B. We've been dating for about six or seven months now and have fallen for one another like rocks.
He truly helped me going through the miscarriage. Maybe I should explain this further, it will probably be more therapeutic for me anyway.
I had found out I was pregnant, and we had already discussed, with our current situation, a.k.a our lack of stability. Bringing a child into this world would be wrong for the child. Someone might see this as selfish but I've killed myself going over every single other possibility. We are not the type to not use protection, but, obviously, things happen!
So we knew going into it, as soon as I found out, that it would be an abortion. The day I discovered I was pregnant I knew I was going to need an abortion and I had many people in my family giving me condescending views.
After being a bit medicated, I was able to cry myself to sleep thinking no matter which way I went about the abortion, I'd most likely end up back at the psychiatric ward.
Luckily for me, my brain blocked any of this from getting through.
The next day, although I was still very depressed, I knew I would not be making that trip to the ward.
About a week in, I started bleeding heavily and having bad pains. I called my GP pronto and was told to go to the emergency room. Away I went.
So I no longer had to have the guilt of killed the child, whom I've named Baby Doe. Although to this day I look at my belly and remember the first few weeks it was in me, rubbing it and feeling guilty when I'd smoke a cigarette or a bit of grass.
Thank goodness for some very understanding family members and of course, B.
Oh, also, I have a half albino german sherperd/chesapeake bay retriever named Layla who is about nine or ten months old and she is quite the handful.
One thing I gained from being pregnant for that short time is definetly maternal instinct. I know now that what I truly want is to help B raise his three children and have one or two of my own with him.
In a few weeks his kids will be here for the summer and we are both very excited. Next Jan. we plan on moving in together.
All is semi well, I'd say.
Imp C
At the age of nineteen, not a month ago, I had my first miscarriage. Luckily I am now in a non verbal abusive relationship with a loving, caring man whom I'll call B. We've been dating for about six or seven months now and have fallen for one another like rocks.
He truly helped me going through the miscarriage. Maybe I should explain this further, it will probably be more therapeutic for me anyway.
I had found out I was pregnant, and we had already discussed, with our current situation, a.k.a our lack of stability. Bringing a child into this world would be wrong for the child. Someone might see this as selfish but I've killed myself going over every single other possibility. We are not the type to not use protection, but, obviously, things happen!
So we knew going into it, as soon as I found out, that it would be an abortion. The day I discovered I was pregnant I knew I was going to need an abortion and I had many people in my family giving me condescending views.
After being a bit medicated, I was able to cry myself to sleep thinking no matter which way I went about the abortion, I'd most likely end up back at the psychiatric ward.
Luckily for me, my brain blocked any of this from getting through.
The next day, although I was still very depressed, I knew I would not be making that trip to the ward.
About a week in, I started bleeding heavily and having bad pains. I called my GP pronto and was told to go to the emergency room. Away I went.
So I no longer had to have the guilt of killed the child, whom I've named Baby Doe. Although to this day I look at my belly and remember the first few weeks it was in me, rubbing it and feeling guilty when I'd smoke a cigarette or a bit of grass.
Thank goodness for some very understanding family members and of course, B.
Oh, also, I have a half albino german sherperd/chesapeake bay retriever named Layla who is about nine or ten months old and she is quite the handful.
One thing I gained from being pregnant for that short time is definetly maternal instinct. I know now that what I truly want is to help B raise his three children and have one or two of my own with him.
In a few weeks his kids will be here for the summer and we are both very excited. Next Jan. we plan on moving in together.
All is semi well, I'd say.
Imp C
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